Eeeeelllliiiiiooooot (say it like E.T.)

Okay so if you're the kinda blog checker who only wants to see pictures you can scroll on down and take a gander what i got going on (sounds sexy, doesn't it?... it kind of is. HAH) OR if you are the kind of person who really values our friendship and likes drama... read ON and then hey, you still get to enjoy the pictures afterwards and you are rewarded for your hard work of reading. cuz it's SOOO hard. okay.. i'll get to the point now.

THE BIRTH STORY
Welp... in case you don't check facebook at all, let me just summarize by saying that i was basically having contractions for the last two weeks of pregnancy before she came which i NEVER knew could happen but apparently is pretty common? anyway, since i'm SO retarded i ended up going to the hospital falsely TWICE. the first time was really emotionally tramatic and i was mad at everyone for not letting me have this baby NOW, the second time was more of a.. "tell me how far i'm dilated and all that so i can have piece of mind and ALSO maybe have a better nurse than the first visit who will give me GOOD advice" kinda visit. (let's just say the FIRST nurse said VERBATIM... "they WON'T send you home, you will be induced tonight." TURD.)

ANYWAY... so i went to my OB appointment on tuesday at 1:15 and she scheduled my induction for thursday which is enos' birthday which i ASKED for but later had mixed feelings about and was probably gonna change when i woke up from my nap... but then things when comPLETELY different...

so, like i said... i drove home from my appointment with relief KNOWING when the end was and that i would FINALLY not be pregnant anymore. (Can you tell i hate being with child? yeah... like i SERIOUSLY LOATH it.) By the way, i should mention that my OB didn't do ANYTHING out of the ordinary during our visit, no membrane stripping or anything, just checked me and then i left.

So then I laid down and napped since lucas was still asleep when i got home and napped for about 2 hours...when i woke up i was having the WORST contractions i'd had in the last two weeks and they were consistent through my nap as well which caused some uncomfortable dreams.. ya know like contorting into weird positions and climbing up a sandpaper wall with my belly rubbing against it.. .things like this... anywho.. i thought.. "man... i can't take DAYS of this! blah.. oh well.. i'll stick it through these since i know the end is on thursday." this is at 4pm.. okay? don't forget that time... so lucas wakes up and i feed him lunch and TRY to eat a lara bar but my contractions are just so painful i get sick at the thought of eating anymore and stop. Then it hits me... um... could this be IT? i looked at the clock and started keeping track of how far apart my contractions were... two of them were 5 minutes apart and then by 4:30 they were 2 minutes apart... oh my GOSH.. this is really happening!! okay good... so i get lucas ready inbetween contractions, which, were SERIOUSLY painful.. i had to completely stop doing EVERYTHING when i had one... i call my "team" of people to take lucas... everyone on the list... and guess what? NOBODY ANSWERS!!!!!!! what the crap!?!? what do i do? then, i call my next door neighbor, Alanna. SHE is officially my HERO. She was at the park with her kids but was like.. "i can be there in 15 minutes. is that fast enough?" and i said, out of breath, "ummm i hope so." So i continue to call everyone else just in case i can find someone to take lucas NOW cuz i need to go to the hospital. But like i said.. nobody answers... so i wait for Alanna. she carries my bags to the car and then says, " umm.. are you sure you can drive yourself?" i thought about it and then decided.. ew... with parking? i don't wanna be walking on the street and having contractions and carrying this big bag.. "yeah, do you mind driving me?" And she does. we try to talk on the way there but every time i have a contraction i have to say, "okay stop talking now, please." i think she was freaking out, i know i was. So i get to triage at 5:09pm and call enos... "i'm here" is all i muster out before i say, "okay love you, see you soon, bye" and hang up as another contraction hits me. the nurse has me give a urine sample and change into a gown before she checks me which only took about 8 min. and then she checks me and pulls her hands out really quick and says, "oh my gosh, you're an 8, we have to go NOW." she wheels me upstairs on the elevator and as we're going down the hall she says, "please don't have this baby in my wheelchair." i thought she was just making a joke... one of the other nurses told me later that she said... "no seriously.. i was worried she was gonna deliver in my chair." they didn't even have time to ask me questions or have me fill out any forms.

I arrive in the delivery room at 5:19pm. okay? keep your eye on that time... my contractions are almost unbearable now and i ask... is it too late to get an epidural!?!? the nurse says, "he's on his way... we're gonna try." which now i know is a comPLETE lie because it WAS too late but i didn't want to believe it because i was petrified of doing it natural. too bad... that's how it was gonna happen.... after all those blood tests and platelet counts and hemotologist appointments and taking steroids for the last week for nothing!! i asked again, "so i can't have an epidural?" the nurse said, "no honey, she here! she's coming NOW." i can't say that i was seeing clearly at this point.. i just remember staring at the big lights on the ceiling and screaming bloody murder to get through the pain...the nurses were really nice, but the doctor said, "you need to stop screaming." i didn't even really LOOK a the doctor... i still don't remember what she looked like... but anyway... there was a point there when my body LITERALLY felt like it was being split in HALF down there... i could feel my pelvic bone MOVING and what FELT like being ripped from FRONT TO BACK... i swear i went into shock... where was enos? the whole time i was delivering i was clutching my phone waiting for him to call...but no... "okay her head is out! just give me one more push.. not too hard!!" and just like that.. they plopped her on my chest and i had just given birth. WHAT!? what time was it? remember how i got in there at 5:19? yeah... she was out at 5:26. that's right folks...after ALL that waiting and "false labor" she was delivered and OUT in 1 1/2 hours. what if i had driven myself? what if alanna hadn't gotten there so soon? all these crazy things that worked out so that i wouldn't deliver Elliot on the dang sidewalk. PHEW.

So they clean her up and then who should show up? Enos. he was crushed. "what? i missed it?" he was just too slow (surprise surprise, haha) i said, "aww love! i'm sorry! it's all done. I don't think you would have wanted to be here anyway though.. it was pretty intense." then the nurse who was cleaning Elliot up said from the corner, "yeah.. it was pretty scary. it's probably better." HAH so that's it... she was 6lbs 5oz and was finally HERE :)

i give you... ELLIOT PARKER HEINZEN

"don't you step outta line or i'll punch you in the face."

"ha! just kidding.. i love me baby!"

her outfit for today...

my favorite PART of the outfit. :)

(can't you tell how in love he is?)

...but then again.. who wouldn't be?