Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Feeling Stressed...

So i woke up in the middle of the night last night (as i usually do) for an hour and tried to fall asleep in spite of the snoring man next to me and the loud running kitty in the hallway.... I just laid there and thought about when Lucas would get here.... i counted quickly how much time i had left with peace and quiet.... FOUR AND A HALF MONTHS! wow... that's like NOTHING. I realized that i'm scared to death of all this change.... i don't really think about being a good mother or anything like that... i mostly think of selfish things like... wow... we won't be able to just sit on the couch in silence like this and watch shows all cuddled up..... or i'm gonna have to take care of someone inbetween working at my desk at work....or how the crap am i ever gonna get to draw when IIII wanna draw with this baby always around me....and then breast feeding.... SHEESH... that's like this whole other thing i really don't wanna do... i mean, i'm gonna but i really don't like the dependence of a child on my body. That's annoying. So yeah... i'm selfish... but then i think about all the sweet things and it makes it a little easier... not really... but kinda. Luckily i finally fell asleep after the hour and was able to sleep for a good 3 hours before i had to get up again and go pee. What a life.

12 comments:

Abbie said...

Sounds like you're experiencing motherhood already. A few thoughts:
1) It's good that you're recognizing some of the things you mentioned already. Believe me when I say, you'll never really know until you experience it but at least you have in your mind the idea that it's going to be completely life changing.

2) Make note of some of the things you've said. Breastfeeding worries you obviously. Make two plans then: the plan that has breastfeeding working and the plan that has you pumping or giving formula. You can read my posts about breastfeeding and how I wasn't physically able to produce enough and I totally beat myself up about it. DON'T DO THAT! Be happy with both plans that you create and things will go much more smoothly. See how cute Ella is? Ya... formula fed after 3 months of breastfeeding-combined with formula feeding.

3) Live and love the time with Ethan and the kitty. You're right, it will never be the same and sometimes it's a tough transition to make but it will be made.

4) Realize that you're not alone. After little Lucas comes, be open to talking with close friends about your struggles. You'll probably find that most of them struggled with the same things. Don't keep it in. And if you can't find anyone who didn't have this 'picture perfect' new baby experience, email me. I have plenty of stories I can tell you about adjusting, wondering if I made the right decision, etc.

5) Don't listen to people who write five different things on your blog that you should do. Ha ha! Just kidding.

Staci said...

hahah i know what your going through...you always think of selfish things before the baby comes but trust me when i say it really doesnt change as dramatically as you think. The first month is the hardest but after that it gets better and you becomes so use to how things work that it doesn't seem as bad as you thought. You are going to be amazing and I cant wait ...your gonna be a cool mom.

Staci said...

oh and if you dont mind just pumping instead of breast feeding..thats what i did and i loved it. They get what they need from you and feeding from a bottle where ever when ever seems easier. Just in case you go down that route ...no needds to worry.

Jessica the Jacked LDS said...

did u leave enos and marry a guy named ethan? where was i?

so yea...things are gonna change drastically. ur not wrong.

raschel said...

Linds,
I completely know where you're coming from...(esp as the time dwindles down even closer to d-day). I hear love songs on the radio and think about Luke and think "this will NEVER be the same again" and get all lovey and mushy and cry and call luke to apologize for every fight we've ever had. It's ridiculous. Yes, let's keep thinking about the sweet things...it does get a little easier as time gets closer to "accept" it...because you'll start getting more and more things for the baby that you'll want to see him play with or wear, and doing normal activities are difficult...and I welcome the change back to non-pregnant body (except i'm scared about that too:). anyway, you're not alone. i wish you lived here and we could be scared over lunch together!

Sarah Heder said...

True that! True ALL that!

Tara said...

Well, most of what I would say has already been said. It does change things, but I have to say, one child was not that bad. It's WAY easier to get a babysitter and not feel guilty when there is just one. And Jade was my shopping buddy. She and I would ride the trains around Tokyo and have a blast. Yeah things change, but I agree with Staci. The more dramatic changes happen when you start adding more kids. At least that's my opinion. I was still teaching pottery, taking classes, going out, watching and listening to what I wanted to when it was just Jade. Of course it's different and you do have less freedom, but it's not as bad or as scary. It will seem so natural after a while, you will wonder how you ever had a life outside motherhood. (not all the time, but sometimes you will feel that way) ;) You are doing great, let yourself FEEL every worry, excitement, anxiety, joy, etc through this pregnancy, it's all normal. You are not alone. Love you!

Vagabond Mother said...

Um. How depressing and true. Have fun!

Unknown said...

You're going to be such a AWESOME mom, and part of the reason you will be is your self doubt right now. It shows you CARE what kind of mom you will be.

It's ok to be nervous, even after the baby comes. You're going to be fine, and you have a GREAT support network of people who love you who will help you when you feel like you won't be.

If you live here, I can always keep him for an hour, a day, a week, a month, a year, you know, whatever.

Stephanie Kelly said...

Lindz...thanks for the words of encouragement on my mother Qs post! You are too sweet. And I know you will be a wondeful MILF!

Laura said...

give in about three more months and you'll be moaning about how you just want to get that kid out already. you'll be miserably uncomfortable and so anxious to start mothering the little peanut.pretty soon you won't remember what it was like for you guys without him.

Amanda said...

All true--good thing to accept it early!

Everyone always told me about all the things to worry about and be stressed about before P was born..... BUT............

NO one ever told me how much I was going to LOVE him.

A love like I have never known. And that when I looked into his eyes I would melt...and I would feel like I had already known him before:)