The Counter

okay so every time i've read this week on someone ELSE'S counter it made me think of Buster Bluth and how they said there were claw marks on Gangie's uterus. So naturally.. i had to make a comment once it said it on MY counter... HAH. Everyone pray that he DOESN'T come sunday or monday... enos will be gone for a dental school interview!!!! k cool thanks. :)

18 days...

18 days left to go.... come on Lucas, honestly... you REALLY need 18 days? i'm pretty sure you're packed and ready to leave... you better not be a Heinzen about this and be late.... i won't stand for it!...love you baby boy.

Baby Shower in Utah

So i had a baby shower in Utah... it was a LOT of fun and i'm so glad for everyone who could come :)

MOST of the group... some people had to leave early

the DELICIOUS food

more food... and look at those cute "ugly" dolls my niece, Jade, made!

Everyone wore a diaper on their shirt... 2 of them had poo (chunky peanut butter in them... ew... nuts in poo. HAH)

This is the memory board i made because i'm picky and wanted to do art for my shower.... basically you have a whole bunch of words about being pregnant and then each match comes with a candy bar that describes the word... for instance... obygyn:butterfinger, sex: Good and Plenty, Penis: whatchamacallit, etc. .... it was REALLY fun. it was discovered by my sister, Jessica. Thanks for the idea sister.

these are the pictures i drew for the board.... enos came up with the penis picture... i told him i didn't want it to be too realistic... and he made sure that it looked like a thumb. HAH. thanks lovey.

this is part of Lucas' room. That bed is called an Amby bed and it's some Australian (i believe) bed. It's supposed to make the baby feel like he's being cozied. Tara just GAVE it to us so we gladly took it :)

this rug was something i found in one of tara's crafty books and i was like, "i want one of those!!!" so she told me how to make one and i did it!!! i think it fits with the monstery boy feel of the room :)

this is a stack of our gifts... the painting is something i did but up close it looks poopy so i probably will end up painting over it. It's too much of a monet (pretty from far away but a mess up close). The cute pillows i got at a furniture sale for 10 bucks!!! sweet deal :)

here's a close up of some of the items i got. I really liked all of my gifts... they were so thoughtful and given with love. thanks friends :)

...especially these oneies... my fellow artist friend from my old work created these monsters and put them on these clothes for lucas.... i know he will LOVE them. i love having creative friends...

.... speaking of creative friends... my friend Nicole made this AWESOME quilt for Lucas' room! it was so unexpected considering my inability to be a good friend and actually forGOT to invite her at first... wow.. i suck and she rules. Thanks Nicole!!! i love it!

And thanks to EVERYONE...from planners to visitors and bl0g readers and such... i'm so lucky to know some of the COOLEST people ever..... love ALL of you guys!!

Look at my baby counter...

that's right... i'm in the last square. Gosh i'm proud.

CH-CH-Chocolate Penguins in the Mooooorning!

yes... i was making up my own song in the title... that's how excited i was to get these little surprises from my sister, jessica... i literally made up silly songs while i sat and ate them and looked at their cute packaging... i felt pathetic, but in a really satisfied way, mmmm.... i mean, come on... LOOK at them. how precious are they? i almost couldn't eat them....

.....almost.

never was there a cuter recorded death.

Thank you jessica... you made my day :)

The days of yore....

Enos has this friend at work that was cleaning out her old place and found these toys almost never touched. She decided to give them to us... they also just so happened to be two toys that i placed with as a baby! I LOVED these two toys... i remember spending HOURS (or at least what felt like hours) listening to my "records" and twisting the buttons so my favorite characters would come out... i love that Lucas will get to play with these TOO now. How cool, right? Thanks Jodi!

Things could ALWAYS be worse...

take this guy for example....(warning!!! booty exposed!.. don't worry.. there aren't any twig and berry shots.)

for the full story... go here.

Update on my feelings...

okay so i realize today how emotional i was being yesterday....that's not to say that i don't struggle with what i talked about but still... i feel better because of all of your comments AND because i have a wonderful husband who talked to me immediately after reading the post and told me things that i needed to hear. Just thought i'd update you all so you don't think i'm a pathetic depressed loser. HA... no but seriously.

Feelings... nothing more than feelings.

Okay so i just read this really insightful post on my friend sarah's blog about being a mother and i TOTALLY have all of the fears she talks about. It's not like one of those "will i raise my children right" thought processes or anything like that... she talks about losing herself in being a mother and how at times it's really depressing while others it's rewarding but still really depressing. It's what i've always felt motherhood would be.... where you feel like your whole life and day IS what your children do. You don't really wanna talk about specifics of your day to anyone because really... what would you say? oh, i changed another poopy diaper, i read a book to so-in-so, blah blah blah. I'm so scared of becoming this... i don't want to be "just a mom" in the sense that i don't want to lose who i am (whoever THAT is) to this other person's life. On the other hand.... i don't really feel like i'm anything right now either... i feel like what i want in my life is something that i can't do and how i want to be a mother first and foremost but i still want to be me and grow in my art and become really successful and achieve a lot. I don't know how to do this.... Ever since i was little i have wanted to be a "Disney Artist" which nowadays just translates into someone successful in the animated movie industry.... i never dreamed about being a mother or played house (at least not on my own terms.. i was always forced to be "the dad" HA, how fitting).... and now i just don't know how to develop myself whilst still leading this mother life. Who am i? Will i ever get to the point where i know and feel confident that YES this is me and i am okay with that. I don't see it happening... i WANT it to happen.. i WANT to be okay with my life even if that means nobody at Disney or Pixar has ever heard of my name.... but i can't. It's who i've always defined myself as... if i'm not an artist... what am i? another jane shmoe raising babies? one day having conversations about how Lucas is so talented and smart even at 1 year old and can put the blocks in the correct shapes and can walk and talk and blah blah blah... i'm so bored. I don't wanna be that. I don't want my life to be THEIR life. I want to be me. i don't want to be "lucas' mom." I know this all sounds really selfish and that this is probably the reason that people who don't have children, don't have children but it doesn't change the fact that i still feel this way. That's all.... just wanted to vent.

Guess who's dilated to 1 cm?

....that's right.... I AM. (i know i can be like this for weeks but it makes me feel like i'm making SOME sort of progress towards the end of this adventure.)

Lippity Listicle

Does that title sound a bit dirty? oh well...

1. Usually after Christmas i get the blues because all the hype is over and that one moment of Ultimate Christmas never happened. I don't know what i'm expecting from Christmas... but it's like i want something amazingly fantastic to take my breath away and make me say, "Now that's what I call Christmas!!!" (not to be confused with the cd of pop christmas hits) ....

2. I'm feeling blah since i got back home... grateful to be home.... but blah. I want to be something amazing... I want to be this phenomenon in the universe of art and do something that nobody has done before and i want Pixar to want me. But alas... i haven't reached that stage or figured out what i can do to get there.... I want to amp up my freelance business but i'm feeling overwhelmed to do a good piece of art every day.... (see my crappy baby drawing HERE).... oh well... i'm just in a rut.

3. Did i mention how uncomfortable i am? I'm sure you figured that out... I won't complain... just wanted another number on my list.

4. I wish i had another bedroom in my place so Lucas could have his own room for me to decorate. *sigh*

5. i have the best husband ever... he's always getting up and getting things for me, telling me how beautiful i am and how much he loves me because he knows how ridiculously insecure i am right now... I'm glad i have him.

6. That's all...i just like six better than five.

Merry... ummm.... Christmas... and a happy new... well.. you know.

Yeah... i know it's ridiculously late. Whatever. I'm uncomfortable in my body and quite lazy these days... sue me. Here is the card i made for enos and i to send out for xmas but it never happened... guess why? that's right... we both felt fat and unmotivated to put our picture in this card. So i'm using one of our old pictures to demonstrate what it SHOULD have looked like.... enjoy. *sigh*... whatever.