1. I'm not frustrated at all with breastfeeding... because i'm just not gonna do it. I'm pumping and that's it. I'm doing my best and i'm okay with that... i think jessica had posted that i was feeling pressured by the nurses.... that wasn't true. She just misunderstood... it's okay.
Firstly... labor...
2. Alright... so we arrived at the hospital and i'm having contractions and they hurt REALLY bad and the nurse... who aPPARENTLY is new... felt to see how dilated i was and said... "oh my gosh!! you're an eight!!!"... i was like WHOA... and then she said... "no wait.. you're a two".... what? really? are you THAT retarded? whatever. (she's made multiple numbers on this list)
3. Same nurse--So then she says in order to see if i can stay they'll keep me there and make me drink absurd amounts of water and apple juice... if i'm dehydrated and it's false labor, the contractions will go away... well.. i drank all that apple juice... mind you.. still having the worst pain i've had in my LIFE and i'm like... can't you guys give me something for the pain while i wait? and she's like... no....
4. Her again-- Then an hour later she says... here is some morphine... if you take this and your contractions are still there, we'll keep you here and start the epidural.... wait... you couldn't have given me this WHILE i was drinking all that apple juice? Why are you prolonging my pain!!!!!
5. So then she starts loading up the morphine shot and says she's gonna put it in my hip/butt... all of the sudden i get really queezy because of all that apple juice i had to drink in one hour... i was like, "i think i'm gonna throw up" so i sit up and enos runs to get that little pink plastic container to catch it in... now, either she's really stupid, has bad hearing or is just plain mean because RIGHT as i start throwing up she jabs that needle into my butt... i was REALLY annoyed and trying to ask her if she HAD to do that while i'm throwing up... but of course i was throwing up so it sounded more like this... "do you----BLAG---have to---BLAG---do that while i'm---BLAG".... so YEAH.... also..she talked too much and thought she was funny....really? i'm in labor!!!!
6. Well after the baby was all pushed out and things were fine i started to notice the INSANE amount of swollen-ness in my body... i know this is normal but i totally wasn't expecting it and it was just so ridiculous looking... i looked like the pillsbury dough boy... it was AWESOME. HAH
Now for...the nursey....
7. Since Lucas had problems he was confined to the nursery but i was allowed in any time i wanted... and so i'd go a LOT. The daytime nurses were nice and fun.... but the NIGHTTIME nurses were a BLAST. It was like working at Sensory Sweep again and pulling an all-nighter.... there was this one nurse who's ER husband came in and was showing us a youtube video of someone popping their abscess... WOW... YUCK. it was SO nasty and we were all screaming at how gross it was... But yeah.. it was too funny.
8. Another fun activity we did was rename all of the babies because... since i live in a poorer part of town.. they all had dumb white trash names like.... Heavyn (yes.. that's how it was spelled,too)... Gabriel Dusty (ew) and Raya Sunshine.... really? REALLY?
9. On this same note... the amount of irritating things that white trash people did while they were there bothered everyone....me, enos... the nurses... they would bring like fifty people in the nursery even though they were told only two were aloud and they'd all be dressed in pj's like they were all living in there and the mother who just gave birth would be wearing a tight tank top with her pudge hanging out... and they'd loiter outside the nursery door in their big baggy pants and greasy receding hair, checking you out when you went to the nursery...carrying their brand new digital video cameras to film their baby while talking about medicaid...... it made me so mad. I know i know... they have feelings too... but you know what? they were really rude to the nurses and treated them like... "you gotta do anything i tell ya to" and would complain about EVERYTHING. HOW ANNOYING!!!
Now let's move on to our hospital room...
10. So... there were these hospital volunteers that would come into your room with only a quick knock and then prance right into the room with a smile on their face... announce, "i'm a volunteer here at the hospital... is there anything i can get for you?"... now normally this would be a kind gesture, right? well... accept if the following happens MULTIPLE times.... i'm pumping... "i'm a volunteer here at the hospital... is there anything i can get for you?".... i'm pooping...."i'm a volunteer here at the hospital... is there anything i can get for you?"..... i'm SLEEPING and they wake me up!!!! "i'm a volunteer here at the hospital... is there anything i can get for you?".... OH MY GOSH!!! go aWAY!!!! privacy maybe???
11. On the flip side... my nurses were great... they would let me sleep and i'd wake up to a full container of water at my bedside or a couple of graham crackers... what sweethearts. One even gave me a good piece of advice, "now... when you have your first poo... (yes she said poo)... brace yourself...it's gonna intense!" and then she proceded to laugh. They really were great and friendly... I'm glad i chose the hospital i chose... even if it DID mean dealing with weirdo white trash people... i mean, hey... they make it interesting right?
12. And with that.... i'm done.....I hate ending on 11. Sorry this list is so disjointed... i had a very quirmy baby on my lap as i typed it up. :)
8 comments:
finally with the hospital list...i can die happy!
sounds like on the whole, it wasn't the worst couple days of your life, which is good because i thought it might be.
Raya Sunshine? I don't believe it. I would have a hard time disciplining a child named Heavenly. Can you imagine? (Yelling)"C'mere Heavenly I am going to spank your bottom!" MMMM, no. Would her nickname be Heavy? Hahaha, I am cracking myself up.
Anyways, Lindsay, congrats on your little quirmy man and I hope you enjoy him every second, even the poopy and/or spit-uppy ones.
I think w/ my next baby, I might soley pump. i love the benefit of being able to bottle feeding in a public place. I don't like showing my boobies. You definitely had an annoying 1st nurse. It brings back memories. So you ralphed during labor? what kind of problems did lucas have? I'm assuming reflux was one of them? Those baby names are HORRIBLE! Are you being serious? I loved your list of stuff!! I remember the hideous amounts of visitors entering my room. It was obnoxious. I was so tired and sick of being asked questions!! K, i'm going to quit commenting b/c i could say something about every number you listed and that would just take too long, and my quirmy baby wont just lay on my lap any more. :-/
lol...thanks for the list. enjoyable reading. it's funny...looking at pregnant people makes me wanna not have any more kids...but looking at lucas...makes me want one like...now. and we had a little girl in one of our old wards whose first name was heaven, middle name was lee. yah. anyway. glad you're surviving :)
Love this list. You forgot to mention how lame the nurse was who told you there was no age limit for the nursery, and we had a sobbing 11 yr old who was SO dissapointed. I know it was just mis-understanding, but still, Jade remembers that as being sad.
I hope he is doing well, and sleeping is more routien. I don't thing he would have gotten anything from Eddie, cause another nurse told me it's really not contaigeous at all until a fever, and that started late the next day. But I still have to keep Eddie a bit isolated until it's all over. (even from everyone else, since the steroids weaken his immune system and there are LOTS of cruddy things going around right now) :( I miss Lucas!!! I'll call you when we are COMPLETELY well around here, I don't feel like an auntie with this forced separation!
This list is great! I had such a horrible nurse when I first got to the hospital with P, but the shift changed and the new one was AWESOME. I wish I'd written more of my experience down like you did because now I can't remember it.
I've already told like 7 people about the "Raya Sunshine" thing. That's HORRIBLE!!
Lindsay,
I just stumbled on your blog through other blogs. Congrats on your new baby! Your hospital list cracked me up. Especially the part about trashy names. I work for a non-profit after school program in Dallas. These parents name their kids Tequila, LaTwon, or don't even come up with a new first name for them...Sherly Sherly. Nice. Anyhow, hope you enjoy this exciting time in your life!
I'm surprised you didn't mention how hospitals have the stink of death about them.
I suppose it's different in the maternity ward.
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